Four English singers tried repeat ABBA's success, but unfortunately William, Annie, Nigel and Keith - yes I said William, Annie, Nigel and Keith - couldn't think of a name.
Agnetha eventually left ABBA, they replaced her with Ursula, and formed Abbu, who went on a spree of terror and destruction throughout the Middle East.
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To give our side of the story we've never actually had a model on the show before, so all of us were a little uneasy. What a booty call is, is we're all very aware about pregnancy in pop recently, and here we have an example, not this lady (points to the screen), but the other one, Mel. Mark: Keith, I think all of us, apart from maybe Tom grew up as kids watching you on television, don't want to know about you masturbating. We turned up in the studio, there was some load of old wank about pirates, and then Cheggers started talking about walloping, it was a nightmare! Mark: (as a pirate) You're watching "Never Mind Mutiny On The Bounty". (normal voice) Alright, let's play it in, let's see what it actually was. " Quick as a flash, Chris said "Get me Danny Baker on the phone, I need a witty reply."Mark: In July 1974 Mama Cass died while staying in a London flat after choking on a sandwich.
And while I don't think we were actually rude, heaven forfend, I would point out that life on a quiz show may be slightly different to what you're used to on the catwalk. There are only so many mental pictures I can file away, and that ain't gonna be one of them. (The song, "Holiday" by Madonna, starts playing as Phill and Emmy-Kate huddle for the next intro.)Mark: At one gig Noel Gallagher spotted Chris Evans in the audience and said rather cleverly "Alright, Ginger Bollocks! Strangely, Keith Moon of The Who died in the same flat a few years later.
(an unflattering picture of Moyles appears on the screens behind Mark) Never Mind the Buzzcocks, the show that says sorry seems to be the hardest word, whereas "DIE YOU OILY PIG IN A DUNCE HAT! He tripped over her body and banged his head on the sink. ) Mama Cass' vocal range increased dramatically after she was hit over the head with a lead pipe in 1965.
I feel it's our duty to see if the same technique will work with Aqua. And if, by any chance, they're on tour with Celine Dion, the more the merrier. I'll find you if I have to knock on every door in Stockholm fresh from the plumber's merchants, (stands up and points at the camera) and if it doesn't work first time I'll try and try again!
Stills from Love is a Stranger by Eurythmics and Party Hard by Pulp appear on the screen behind Mark.) (Later in the Connections round, Phill's team are asked for the link between Cyndi Lauper and Jimmy Savile. Simon opens the book again] "The photo shoot was for the Daily Mail, which made me feel really posh and upmarket..."Simon: Hello, and welcome to "budget, late-night indie-show" Never Mind the Buzzcocks.
Stills of Cyndi Lauper and the Jim'll Fix It title sequence appear on the screen behind Mark.) Frank: I bet he's a goer though, he's very fit, isn't he, Jimmy. I bet if you have sex with Jimmy Savile, afterwards you get a Mars bar and a Bacofoil cloak! I felt like he was going to turn around and say, "I've misjudged you...". And we didn't have any T-shirts, so I hand painted some..I was supposed to meet their tour manager at, like, three in the morning in Camden. I'm "bitter, snotty-faced little public schoolboy" Simon Amstell, and I'd like to begin with an apology.(as Savile) "Now, you're a lovely lady, and I'm a plum-ber, and I've come to fix yer... "Frank: If it was Gloria Estefan, we could've done a "Clunk Click, Every Trip" joke. Apparently her last two had sold so well her spine went platinum. Catherine Tate is full of swearing, and Never Mind The Buzzcocks contains gay filth! Hawks an, Hawks an, Hawks an, Hawks an, Hawks an, Falcons, Hawks and Falcons, Eagles, Eagles, Hawks and Falcons... Bill: [To Nerina] You can slag off anyone you like, with impunity. Right: D'you hear this, right, the other day, Chris de Burgh on Loose Ends, he slagged me off. And he hasn't got much hair."Simon: Hello there and welcome to Never Mind the Buzzcocks. Simon: "The Paris Hilton work was a low point for me. It's not bad, there are some really interesting bits.Is it true that his hairdresser was so famous they wrote an opera about him? "Bill: Falconer, Falconer, Falconer, Falconer, Falconer, Falconer, Falconer, Falconer, Falconer, Falconer, Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuulll! Ned goes "Blah blah blah, heard about that Bill Bailey? It wasn't what I wanted to be doing, and on top of that it caused me some real problems with my hair". (Pulls out Chantelle's book and starts to read from it) "Suddenly..." Okay!Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding are regular panelists, Fielding having taken over from Bill Bailey, himself the replacement for Sean Hughes.Mark: ABBA comprised of Agnetha, Benny, Bjorn and Anni-Frid and took their name from their initials.I'll make of you singers yet, you Euro-pop ponces if it takes a Joe Pesci-size beating!