I hear women saying to me; ‘but, men are intimidated by beautiful women!! You can always wear a sloppy item of clothing and dull your attractiveness on the outside – but that wouldn’t change your inner radiance and would make you actually more approachable. What matters is whether men are attracted to you or not for a relationship.It depends whether we value the tired old ‘stories’ in our heads about men or whether we value bringing the kind of value to the table that men SEE as value for a long term relationship. So WHY are we really focusing on the silly story of ‘oh yeah well mem are just INTIMIDATED BY ME! Simply because we feel sad and hurt that we are alone.
And that became a habit; so much so that when i spoke to men, my body was tight, I wasn’t trusting, I was fully set on directing my own life. I wasn’t soft, I was hard and trying to just be enough.
I bought in to the false idea that ‘men commit to women who are better; women who are achievers’ – which leads to the reality that; As women, our appeal to men in a relationship has nothing to do with how much we achieve; it has everything to do with our soul; and our heart as a woman.
THIS really means that to get in to a relationship; we need to uncover the mask we wear of ‘being intimidating’ to men and reveal our true spontaneous, alive, and innocent feminine self inside.
Of course, provided we are feminine inside; which is most of us. It took me ages to learn that my own silly story was destroying my ‘light’ as some weird new-agey people might describe it! But what if this kind of honesty with yourself is required for you to find a loving relationship?
I often stump my coaching clients with the following question.
“What is the number one thing that will make a man want to see you again?
In other words, women go for the man with the most status they feel they can get.
We choose the best man we believe we are worthy of. But if we keep that story in our heads…then we are simply avoiding facing the fake stories we tell ourselves and other possible realities.
It has everything to do with how kind, loyal and feminine we show up.
(Click here to take the quiz “How Feminine Am I Actually”)Achievements for appeal in a commitment relationships are for men; men compete with each other to achieve more and therefore gain more status.
Because we all secretly know unconsciously that women trade up and compare men all the time.