Why are you expecting different results carrying the same baggage, the same beliefs about yourself, love, and relationships, the same relationship habits, the same usual attraction to the same ‘ole assclowns?
I could sit here and talk till I am blue in the face and give you umpteen reasons why issues will continue to arise and you will continue to be unhappy, but you and only you make your choices about where you want to go and what you want to do.
‘There are many men out there who are bored with having meaningless affairs and who want to settle down and have children too,’ he says.
In fact, I know people who feel just as alone in a room full of people, nevermind one on one with a man.
If you still end up feeling lonely and riddled with insecurity in spite of the fact that you have a man in your life, why do you still feel that having a man, having a relationship, having dalliances, having sex, having attention from these people, having an illusion, having more issues to deal with that result from being involved with these men, is the answer to your problems?
I realised that since turning 35 three years ago, I hadn’t met anyone I liked romantically, who was also single, straight and interested in me. ’ one married ex-boyfriend wrote on my Facebook page. I joined running clubs, did acting classes and dance classes, went on skiing holidays and singles holidays and badgered my friends to set me up with their friends.
Some attempts were more successful than others: a singles holiday to Greece made me feel like Elizabeth Taylor due to all the men after me, whereas one evening spent dinner dating with seven single women in their 40s and just two men — one of whom walked out after ten minutes — made me want to give up on the idea altogether.
I should point out that the ones who are actually enjoying their lives and a relationship are the ones that made a positive decision to spend some time on their own, break old patterns, rebuild their lives, and redefine themselves in a positive, loving context. I am not here to invalidate anyone’s feelings – you feel what you feel, keeping in mind that you are actually able to identify what you feel and attribute the right word to it.
I know that the overriding majority of women that get in touch with me and mention the word ‘loneliness’ are also lonely when they have a man in their life.
Why would they like someone who, if she can still have children, would need to have them straight away?
No, men will run a mile.’ She paused, then added: ‘Sorry, dear.’ I’ve never been someone who absolutely has to be in a relationship.
I turned up a few minutes late for one date to find that the guy had already ordered and eaten dinner without me, and I booked myself on a climbing holiday with 14 fit men, only to discover halfway up the highest mountain in North Africa that they were all married.
While I did meet some really nice men, it was certainly not at the tortuous round of singles events, at which there were always more women than men and everyone had a sad, resigned look in their eyes.
The solution is to meet them in their own natural habit: coffee shops and pubs, of course, but also sports clubs, evening classes, even the local supermarket. James Preece, who runs dating events, says that although it might be a struggle to find men — who are often happy just hanging out with their mates rather than trying to meet new people — women in their mid-30s shouldn’t give up hope.