In the year 2000 I was happily married (for 13 years, together for 20) to my college sweetheart, with a lovely home and two young children.
Then one day I began the process of discovering my husband's long-standing affair—with someone I knew very well. And though I met and married a wonderful man— and have been married for over 10 years—the hurt and pain of that time is still there. I was (and still am) very lucky to have an incredible network of friends and family—without whom I would have never come out the other side as successfully as I did.
He was not attractive, and I felt like he approached me because he was curious to talk to “the divorced girl.” A few minutes later, another man approached me.
My heart stopped when I saw him because he was seriously drop dead gorgeous. He introduced himself with a huge grin that almost gave me a heart attack.
I was alone not by choice, and as the result of a devastating event.4. A comment like this just pours salt on the wound.6.
"You'll never be truly happy until you forgive."I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard this. "It's ultimately for the best."It's natural to want to offer hope in this situation.
When i was recently separated, I was sitting around one night and I got a call from a friend of mine, asking me to meet her, her husband and “some of his work buddies” at a local bar. I walked out the door in a pair of jeans that I probably couldn’t get one leg into today, and a sleeveless top that showed off my slim (at the time) arms.
My kids were on vacation with my ex, so I had no child care issues. When I walked into the bar, my friend came rushing over to me.The fears, anger, hurt and complications that accompany divorce are there 24/7, as opposed to the temporary "single" status that occurs when a spouse is away. "I kind of envy your 'alone' time."Another well-meaning comment that ultimately stings.Mainly because even in moments when I was enjoying my "alone" time, the reason for it would quickly overwhelm. No matter the cause, divorce almost always feels—on some level—like failure.The two of us would end up talking for the next two hours!What was funny about the whole night was, it never occurred to me that he was interested in me.Yet even among my closest friends, I would experience "well-meaning" advice, words and comments that really stung.