If you don't shut up and let me watch "Miss World" I'm going to stuff your head up your bum. My main castles are scattered all over the place, you know, ‘cause I never know where I’m going to be… bloody fox hunts go on for ever these days, don’t you find? Start off in “Burke—shire”, end up in, ah, eh eh, Twat—shire! And apparently, if a prawn goes all the way he turns into a queen!
oh God, you can't say anything without some dreadful double entendre lurking around the corner!
Richie: Well it just goes to show there's no escape for us that way is there eddie?
Richie: [Thinking Eddies has a woman hidden in the bathroom]: Ah...ha. Richie (frantically): No, Eddie, no, I've never seen your felt tip. I fell straight into a coma and had to go to therapy for six years.
I was in surgery three days, three whole days before the surgeons stopped giggling. Like in my favorite video: "Noddy goes Lap-Dancing".
Not so much a hint, more a Party Political Broadcast.
sprouts, pinch of chili powder, jar of curry powder, hint of tobasco sauce - well, three bottles actually.
Er, theres also a sausage, but it appears to have already been digested...twice.
there is some yoghurt, but if you want to eat you're gonna have to shave it first. (waits for audiences response which is dismal)Eddie: Well, I'm glad I can amuse you all in my own humble little way. (puts on a Bristol accent) "Ooh, it was fuckin' great, fuckin' seagull shat on 'is 'ead an' we all fuckin' pissed ourselves! Michael Portillo...(Eddie suddenly and unexpectedly punches Richie in the groin) AAAARRRRGGGH! Eddie: (to audience) There was a little mistake there, wasn't there? we'd almost certainly trip over a few little bits of wire... I couldn't see it anyway though because I had two bollocks hanging in front of my eyes. we agreed, you're not allowed any women in here unless you get one for me at the same time, so we can really "do" it. What I thought was a rather funky goatee beard turned out to be my pubic hair. I'll have to speak to my people and get back to you on that! Eddie: Don't you mean it's our duty as lily-livered yellow-trousered shit-your-pants scared-o girlies, who've just discovered they're sharing a very tiny island with a 15-megaton nuclear device, to defuse this bomb? if we even think of taking on the mighty pacific, we'd almost...(audience murmurs) I haven't finished yet!